Old Roger

This a short comedy I wrote during the weekend. It is told from the perspective of different witnesses & participants. I do hope you enjoy it.


His strides are bold and stompy, despite his age. He put on the meanest look he could conjure and sized up the entrance door. Though he seem to stagger a bit, he did a good job of maintaining his composure. I watched him adjust his clothing and walk in with a false feeling of importance. I know he’s bound to act another drama in the bar but I was heading home already. My shift was over so I didn’t get to witness the free show but I got the gist from the girls later.

I had just resumed my shift when I saw a strange man walk in. He stood for a while as if searching for an empty seat in the bar. He walked over to a table, knocked off the “reserved” marker and he pulled out a seat for himself.

“Sir, that place is reserved… you can’t sit there sir”, I explained and made to stop him!

“whaaat?… reserved for who? …who gets a reservation when General Roger has no where to sit? Don’t you know me?” he asked.

“ Excuse me sir…”

“You haven’t seen me on TV? …you’ve never heard of Major General Roger? …you mean you really don’t know me?”

“NO!” I said and sized up the man. He was clad in a rumpled suit, undersized pants, dirty shirt and a twisted tie. His running mouth seem to be the only smooth thing on him!
“Sorry sir!… this table is-”

“-will you shut up your mouth!” he shouted and caused some heads to turn.

“if you would please let me get you another place…” I was saying when he exploded.

“I can’t believe you are still here!” He roared and slammed the table, getting more heads to turn in his direction.
With his ego well fed, he stood up, having this bully smirk on his face and whispered to an embarrassed me, “now get me a drink without further ado!”
I wish someone had told me what kinda person this man is. Old bully!

I can’t but notice the man creating a scene beside me. His outburst snatched my lady’s attention away from me and I just had to look too.
He adjusted on his seat and turned towards us.

“but you love birds know me, don’t you?
He didnt wait for a reply as he continued “… lemme tell you, I am the only soldier who took the orientation course eight times! Yet I have the longest non-democratic tenure ever! I ruled for a duration of eight years. Yes! That’s a long term isn’t it?… I broke the back of three other generals and took power… A decorated general I am as you see me so!…”

I was whistling to my reserved seat to relax as usual when I spotted the old man at my table. At first I wanted to ask my ADC to call in the boys to come and get the man off my favorite corner, but I decided against it. “Its just one old man”, I told myself “He won’t be any trouble.”
But as I approached the table, I heard his smooth mouth bragging about the army.

“… A decorated general I am as you see me so!” he was saying “No general in this country dares dare me… They know what I did to their predecessors.”
I was shocked. All my years in the army, I’ve never seen a retired General look so unkempt.
As I moved closer to him, I began to perceive the strong odour of ogogoro (a locally brewed alchohol). The stupid old man was high on cheap spirits. So I brought out my phone and dialed my ADC’s number.
“send in the boys!” I ordered. I want this bloody civilian beaten to sobriety.

When I didn’t see the funny ol’ General Roger (as he liked to be called) in the common room I knew we had a situation on our hands.
I wasn’t quite worried though cos I knew just where to find him. He likes to – you know, sneak to the bars across town.

As I parked my car in the lot,I saw some soldiers jump out of a van and march into the bar.
My intuition told me old rogers had probably gone too far with his army stories this time! I quickened my pace and entered the bar through the service door. I saw old Roger doing his thing -creating a scene.
“…where did you get those stars? And that uniform?…don’t tell me you are an officer in the army.” He was saying to the General.

The soldiers marched in and saluted the General and he mumbled some things to them pointing towards Roger. I moved fast, stood in between the General and Roger.

“Old Roger, you’ve had too much drinks today, don’t you think its time we head home?”

A hefty hand rested on my shoulder and spun me around.
“…and what do you think you are doing?” the General roared.

” …’xcuse meee?”

“Isabel? What a surprise? What are you doing here?” He asked.

“sorry?.. have we met before? How do you know my name? Oh -you’re quite smart aren’t you?! You read it from my ID card here! ” I was saying when he removed his dark glasses and I recognized him to be a familiar face. He once came to the Retirees Home with relief materials.

“You’ll never change” he said with a smile. “Isabel, the ever serious nurse!”
I offered my apologies, he accepted and signalled to his boys to wait. He pulled me aside and asked.
“so is this man one of your em, patients, old people or what do you call them?”

“yes!” I nodded and explained, “.. and He is a special one… His hallucination these days are -you know -so real to him. He had a kinda little rough childhood, you know. And his failure to get recruited into the army after many attempts comes back to his brain now as an achievement. He bullies anyone and even addresses himself as General Roger… Funny ol’ man… I just have to get him back to the home now… So he could take his -you know, medications and perhaps some things to kinda calm him and… I really have to go now… And I apologize for any rubbish he might have done or said… You know -he is just being -you know…”

” its alright, No problem at all, you just saved his backside from pains”, the General said with a grin.
I turned back to the table,
“Let’s get you home, General Roger…you’ve had too much-”

“Who?” a waiter asked and pointed to the empty seat.
I didn’t know Old Roger had sneaked out when I had my back to him.
“Slimy Old man” the General murmured.

“…em, I think I know just where to look for him, he likes to -you know, frequent bars… I have to go… Thank you sir.”

“Funny old Roger,” the waiter remarked and shook his head.

******* The End *******

Photo credits:
www. kamachka.deviantart.com
www. afterallen.com &
www. dreamstime.com
=->Prince A.T.™ 🙂

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10 thoughts on “Old Roger

  1. I thought old roger died and went to his grave? Lol.
    You have a way of putting your shocker effect at the end, its nice.


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