Old Roger

This a short comedy I wrote during the weekend. It is told from the perspective of different witnesses & participants. I do hope you enjoy it.

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WAITRESS:
His strides are bold and stompy, despite his age. He put on the meanest look he could conjure and sized up the entrance door. Though he seem to stagger a bit, he did a good job of maintaining his composure. I watched him adjust his clothing and walk in with a false feeling of importance. I know he’s bound to act another drama in the bar but I was heading home already. My shift was over so I didn’t get to witness the free show but I got the gist from the girls later.

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WAITER:
I had just resumed my shift when I saw a strange man walk in. He stood for a while as if searching for an empty seat in the bar. He walked over to a table, knocked off the “reserved” marker and he pulled out a seat for himself.

“Sir, that place is reserved… you can’t sit there sir”, I explained and made to stop him!

“whaaat?… reserved for who? …who gets a reservation when General Roger has no where to sit? Don’t you know me?” he asked.

“ Excuse me sir…”

“You haven’t seen me on TV? …you’ve never heard of Major General Roger? …you mean you really don’t know me?”

“NO!” I said and sized up the man. He was clad in a rumpled suit, undersized pants, dirty shirt and a twisted tie. His running mouth seem to be the only smooth thing on him!
“Sorry sir!… this table is-”

“-will you shut up your mouth!” he shouted and caused some heads to turn.

“if you would please let me get you another place…” I was saying when he exploded.

“I can’t believe you are still here!” He roared and slammed the table, getting more heads to turn in his direction.
With his ego well fed, he stood up, having this bully smirk on his face and whispered to an embarrassed me, “now get me a drink without further ado!”
I wish someone had told me what kinda person this man is. Old bully!

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MAN:
I can’t but notice the man creating a scene beside me. His outburst snatched my lady’s attention away from me and I just had to look too.
He adjusted on his seat and turned towards us.

“but you love birds know me, don’t you?
He didnt wait for a reply as he continued “… lemme tell you, I am the only soldier who took the orientation course eight times! Yet I have the longest non-democratic tenure ever! I ruled for a duration of eight years. Yes! That’s a long term isn’t it?… I broke the back of three other generals and took power… A decorated general I am as you see me so!…”

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ARMY GENERAL:
I was whistling to my reserved seat to relax as usual when I spotted the old man at my table. At first I wanted to ask my ADC to call in the boys to come and get the man off my favorite corner, but I decided against it. “Its just one old man”, I told myself “He won’t be any trouble.”
But as I approached the table, I heard his smooth mouth bragging about the army.

“… A decorated general I am as you see me so!” he was saying “No general in this country dares dare me… They know what I did to their predecessors.”
I was shocked. All my years in the army, I’ve never seen a retired General look so unkempt.
As I moved closer to him, I began to perceive the strong odour of ogogoro (a locally brewed alchohol). The stupid old man was high on cheap spirits. So I brought out my phone and dialed my ADC’s number.
“send in the boys!” I ordered. I want this bloody civilian beaten to sobriety.

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NURSE ISABEL:
When I didn’t see the funny ol’ General Roger (as he liked to be called) in the common room I knew we had a situation on our hands.
I wasn’t quite worried though cos I knew just where to find him. He likes to – you know, sneak to the bars across town.

As I parked my car in the lot,I saw some soldiers jump out of a van and march into the bar.
My intuition told me old rogers had probably gone too far with his army stories this time! I quickened my pace and entered the bar through the service door. I saw old Roger doing his thing -creating a scene.
“…where did you get those stars? And that uniform?…don’t tell me you are an officer in the army.” He was saying to the General.

The soldiers marched in and saluted the General and he mumbled some things to them pointing towards Roger. I moved fast, stood in between the General and Roger.

“Old Roger, you’ve had too much drinks today, don’t you think its time we head home?”

A hefty hand rested on my shoulder and spun me around.
“…and what do you think you are doing?” the General roared.

” …’xcuse meee?”

“Isabel? What a surprise? What are you doing here?” He asked.

“sorry?.. have we met before? How do you know my name? Oh -you’re quite smart aren’t you?! You read it from my ID card here! ” I was saying when he removed his dark glasses and I recognized him to be a familiar face. He once came to the Retirees Home with relief materials.

“You’ll never change” he said with a smile. “Isabel, the ever serious nurse!”
I offered my apologies, he accepted and signalled to his boys to wait. He pulled me aside and asked.
“so is this man one of your em, patients, old people or what do you call them?”

“yes!” I nodded and explained, “.. and He is a special one… His hallucination these days are -you know -so real to him. He had a kinda little rough childhood, you know. And his failure to get recruited into the army after many attempts comes back to his brain now as an achievement. He bullies anyone and even addresses himself as General Roger… Funny ol’ man… I just have to get him back to the home now… So he could take his -you know, medications and perhaps some things to kinda calm him and… I really have to go now… And I apologize for any rubbish he might have done or said… You know -he is just being -you know…”

” its alright, No problem at all, you just saved his backside from pains”, the General said with a grin.
I turned back to the table,
“Let’s get you home, General Roger…you’ve had too much-”

“Who?” a waiter asked and pointed to the empty seat.
I didn’t know Old Roger had sneaked out when I had my back to him.
“Slimy Old man” the General murmured.

“…em, I think I know just where to look for him, he likes to -you know, frequent bars… I have to go… Thank you sir.”

“Funny old Roger,” the waiter remarked and shook his head.

******* The End *******

Photo credits:
www. kamachka.deviantart.com
www. afterallen.com &
www. dreamstime.com
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=->Prince A.T.™ 🙂
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

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Dreams come True pix

STRANGE; Dream Comes True!

This story was first published on Lets Talk About Relationship with Kemmystry™ Page on Facebook and the audience loved it. Enjoy it too!

Dream Comes True

Dream Comes True

*¤7:00 am¤*

*Rrrrinnng!* The alarm chimed.

Pastor jerked awake from his dream and said, ‘today’s going to be great!’

He shook his wife, ‘darling, its monday morning, go wake the children… Today is a going to be a special monday, we shouldn’t start it lazily.’
He rushed to the bathroom, freshened up and dressed up before joining his family in the living room for the morning devotion.

‘…Dear Lord, you promised to make this year full of testimonies, so dear lord, please let there be another testimony today. Amen’ Pastor prayed.
He kissed his wife and kids goodbye and left.

¤*Office-8:05 am*¤

Giving his secretary a tight bear hug, Pastor exclaimed, ‘Bro Joe, good morning! how was your night and how’s the family?’

‘we are fine.’ Bro Joe replied, ‘you look very happy today sir.’

‘oh! Yes i’m quite expectant, I think the Lord is telling me that its gonna be great today!’ Pastor said heading into his office.
‘Come with me, I’ll tell you what today is going to be like.’

‘right away sir’ Bro Joe mumbled
I hope its not one of Pastor’s dreams that rarely come to pass!

*¤*¤*¤*

‘so you mean, you woke up before you saw the end of your dream, sir?’

‘hmmm …Yes! But I know it’ll be great.’

‘sir, you said you saw an envelope, but did not see its content’

‘no… but I’m sure its money. The Lord knows we need lots of money. Doesn’t HE?’

‘hmmm…I hope so!’

‘HOPE?… You of all people know the monetary needs of the church. You should be very optimistic and not just HOPE! When I tell you my vision you should believe it! Where is your FAITH Bro Joe?’ Pastor blared out.

‘I’m sorry pastor, I’m just being watchful…’

‘-watchful?’

‘…you know the ‘Boko’ people, it could be a letter bomb?! Or it could be a trap of the devil. Or-‘

‘what?!’ Pastor cut in, infuriated.

He had a good dream, he was hoping it would come to pass today and here his secretary was ruining his yet to begin day. He calmed himself and rebuked the devil. ‘Not on a day of joy, no I won’t get angry.’

He cleared his throat. ‘Perhaps it’s because you don’t understand my dream.’ Pastor said, ‘Sit down, and I’ll tell you the entire vision from the very top. Please sit.’

Bro Joe settled down as pastor narrated the dream he just termed ‘Vision’.

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¤*THE DREAM*¤

In the dream, Pastor was seated in his office when a young beautiful lady walked in. She reeked of wealth and affluence. She catwalked into his office, smiling radiantly. For a brief moment, Pastor saw that slow Hollywood motion picture where the wind blows the hair of a beautiful lady as she makes her entrance.

The lady wasn’t suprised. She’s beautiful and she knows it!
She probably knew the Pastor’s mouth hanging down wasn’t going to speak to offer her a seat anytime soon. So she pulled a seat, sat down and crossed her legs. She pursed her lips and said in a sweet tiny voice,

‘Pastor, you don’t remember me, do you? …I’m here to show my appreciation.’ she smiled again flashing a sparkling set of teeth -the kind of teeth you find only in close-up toothpaste adverts.

‘Some years ago you blessed me sir, I was down and low then…’ she continued, ‘you prayed that God should change my story. To cut the story short sir, my construction company is back on its feet and I just completed the biggest contract of my life…I earned a profit of over N150million…’ She then dived her manicured hands into a golden purse.
‘I am here to bless you in return.’ She brought out a white envelope, placed it on the pastor’s desk and slowly pushed it towards him.

‘what could be in the envelope?’ Pastor soliloquized, ‘it could it be cash, cheque or hmmm… a love letter!’

He wasn’t listening to her.

‘-Pastor?!’

‘hmmm…sister God bless you’, Pastor snapped out of his thoughts.

‘…so I’ll like to take my leave now sir’, She said

Stretching forth his hand to offer a handshake, Pastor said,
‘Thank you very much, my beloved sister…’ but when she humbly refused to shake him and instead she bowed her knees with a smile like a respectful innocent girl, Pastor added,
‘…in the lord, my sister in christ, God bless you! Have a good day. Thank you!’
…He waved and watch her leave.

‘oh sweet Jesus!’ Pastor exclaimed when she closed the door, and made the sign of the cross. ‘she must be an angel’.

He looked at his table and muttered
‘It must be money’.

As Pastor picked up the envelope to open it ….

*Rrriinng!* the alarm chimed and He woke up!
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→Prince A.T.™

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TGIM! Yes! Thank God Its Monday not a Friday.

Its Monday again
Its Monday again

That title sounds strange, doesn’t it? Its does not only sound strange, IT IS STRANGE. Yeah! Mondays are Strange

We are all familiar with TGIF “Thank God Its Friday!” We all love it. We look forward to it. It sounds appealing. We compose songs for it. We post about it on our social networks, customize it on our shirt (i’m still looking for a tatoo of it).

But the reverse is true for Mr Monday. aawww! Some of us hate him. We dont welcome monday with a party.
Nobody goes around singing about it like its fun. [did I just say fun? Could there be any fun on a monday?]

So it brings me to ask a question… Is it IMPOSSIBLE to say TGIM?

I’ll give my opinion this way… (pardon me if it differs from yours. I stand to be corrected.)

is it impossible?
hmmm! It seems impossible but its possible.

Impossible because:
→Mondays scream, ‘Hurry, it’s time to work!’ but fridays sing, ‘hurray, its time to rest!’
Let’s be sincere my dear friend, who on earth does not prefer rest to work? Our body screams when we don’t get enough rest but not too much rest!

→For many, Monday marks the beginning of another stressful week. For some unlucky few, it is a day you go back to that nagging lordly boss.


Possible because:
if we put on a positive lens, we would see mondays as glorious. (not only if you are sealing a deal /contract today!)
Monday is an opportunity to Refresh, Restart and to Right wrongs.
It is a day to revive and surge forward after that refreshing retreat.
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Now, what I’m saying is this.
‘Nothing Good Comes Easy’

lets deny the body some more rest and handle our mondays with a positive vigour…

…and that day of your dreams will come, your celebration, your award/prize giving day, the day you breath a sigh of accomplishment, the day you become the reason for those deafening applause… That day You can look around and say, ‘other’s said TGIF, I say…

“Thank God Its Monday”
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→Prince A.T.™

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‘Ol’ boy ten don knack o.’ Etim said

‘I’m going to bed now,’ I said. I pressed the sleep button and faked a yawn.

‘ol’ boy, you don finish your assignment?’

‘Yes now, since.’

‘give me, make I see’

‘make you see abi make I give you to copy?’

‘no o! I no dey copy you o, me, copy your work? Mba’ Etim cried out in self defense.

He gets twitchy anytime I accuse him of copying. But what’s the big deal, we do it all the time. This happens to be the only one out of seven this week that I’m doing myself. I’m not saying it’s good but to copy is easier and faster!

[and hey! If you happen to be in my department, where we get dozens of assignments every week, you may fare worse. So try my shoes before you crucify me…lol.]

‘anyway e dey inside my lappy, if you like, copy am!’ I replied and pulled the blanket over my head. I pretended to yawn again as Etim stealthily grabbed it.

Actually, I wasn’t sleepy yet, I just want to get rid of Etim. I need to observe my daily quiet time of browsing till I fall asleep or till my phone beeps to signify low battery.

Its an habit I formed years back. I rarely sleep without browsing.

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‘Ol’ boy. Your references plenty o. Na you form am?’ Etim’s voice disrupted my peace.

OMG! this guy just won’t get it! I retorted,

‘chai! E concern you? leave am, dey go your room, abeg I wan sleep!’

I eventually slept sometime past 4:30am and few minutes later -or so it seemed, I heard a familiar *rrrri i i i i innng* come from my phone and another short beep interrupting the first ring. That means battery empty!

That alarm signifies 7:00am and that second beep means I can’t snooze the alarm again cos the phone is dead. I sighed heavily and yanked away the blanket. I have to get up now or else Babi will shoot me. I closed my eyes and sighed heavily again

* * * * * * *
I struggled to my feet and dragged myself to the general bathroom. It looked unusually deserted.
‘am I the first to bathe? Today will be my first time!’

I hurried off to the lecture hall noticing that the parking lots, walkways and the entire school yard look deserted.

I peeped and saw my colleagues seated with maximum concentration on the lecturer.
Oh No! I am late again!

Coming late to Babi’s lecture is a criminal offence no one gets away with. I took a deep breath, straightened my shirt and walked in -head bowed.

‘-and why are you just coming? Babi’s voice played a scary beat on my ear drums.

‘I’m sorry sir…’ I said.

‘Sorry for yourself!’ He retorted. ‘-and where is your assignment?’

‘right here sir!’

I ransacked my small bag to get the assignment-but couldn’t find it. Could it still be with Etim? OMG. Its in my laptop in my room.

‘I’m sorry, I forgot it… at home, sir’ I mummbled and my coursemates burst into laughter.

I don’t know why they laughed but their combined laughter was quite contagious. I chuckled too and Babi thought I was playing a prank on him.

‘You think this is funny, right? Come, I’ll show you what’s hilarious!’ Babi quipped and dragged me out to the lawn outside. I prayed he wasn’t going to shoot me. He didn’t bring out his gun, instead, He ordered me to kneel and face the sun.

What the he**?!

Wait!’ Isnt this supposed to be a tertiary institution and not a primary school? There’s no way I’ll serve that punishment! I swallowed the lump in throat, and was about to protest out loud when a BLOW hit the back of my head and sent me sprawling -face down!

* * * * * * *

I turned around and the sun glared directly into my eyes. I tried to blur the rays with my palm. Then an angry face looked down at me and screamed -more like squealed!

‘Get up my friend!… After Ten don knack, you still dey roll for bed!

‘Bed?’

‘-no, you dey floor! You miss Babi class and shey you still wan spoil our group’s defence with your absence abi? Ol’ boy get up joor!’ Etim said and slapped me again.

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Then my eyes cleared and my head too. Etim had opened the curtains, I have missed Babi’s lecture and now I’m getting late for my group’s seminar presentation! OMG!

* * * * * * *

That day I made a resolution. I’ll never-ever-again-forever-in-my-life browse Facebook at night! ☺

→Prince A.T.™ ♥♥♥

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